I had a BIKINI BREAKDOWN earlier this week when I went shopping with my mom. I hadn’t intended on getting a bathing suit, but I had reward cards from Victoria’s Secret and decided “Hey, Why not?”
The most obvious reason was because I don’t look like this….
Any other time, I probably would have been realistic and nicer to myself. I encourage people to embrace their bodies. I workout and feel strong. I eat healthy 90% of the time, and I really enjoy not stressing out over dinner with Jake or a cupcake with the girls. I am overall happy with my self image. Something just hit me funny–maybe it was the Large bikini top I had to get (I do typically like that area though hehe), the lack of a good spray tan or the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cheesecake I had just split with my mom. Whatever the reason, I just wanted to cry.
WHY do I love an occasional cupcake? WHY do I hate running? WHY can’t I be…..someone without a belly crease (the line where your stomach creases when you sit…yes I’m that weird), dimple-less legs, and no fanny spillage!! HOW do I motivate others to be healthy and love their bodies when I am so “blah”. The feeling stuck around until today
Then I realized
the obvious I’m not a celebrity or model, and WOAH, I am so glad I’m not and that I don’t have to compare myself to them. I don’t even really have a reason too–their job is to be pretty and airbrushed. They do all kinds of crazy diets and workout way more than me, and then someone like Jennifer Lawrence is still considered “heavy”. OUCH! That lifestyle just doesn’t match my priorities.
While I can sit here and genuinely tell every reader that they are gorgeous, an occasional cupcake is so worth it, and no one else is looking at you and saying “OMGOSH EW” –I had to repeat it to myself again. I go through this whole phase once or twice a year for about a day and jump back off the crazy, emotional train of “pseudo-horrifying”. Here’s the (completely honest) rundown….
- Yes, there are THOSE people that get in Glamour’s Don’t list, but that isn’t because of their bodies…it’s because of their wardrobe choices! Dress appropriately no matter what you look like!
- That picture you thought you looked HUGE in at the time now looks normal, and you look happy over that bowl of pasta and Flying Gorilla drink at your 21st birthday! Did it kill you? NOPE. **Side note….the boy beside me in the pictures is one of my best friends from high school–Jake hasn’t gone anywhere :)
- No, your arms don’t look huge in this picture….you just climbed a frickin’ rock wall, Kalee!
- No, you aren’t a junior in high school, recovering from mono at a all-time low weight of 110 lbs, but you also couldn’t eat, slept all day, and had a weird bone in between your ribs stick out!
- I may be living in a sweet dream, but I honestly believe most women are kinder about others bodies than their own (and men just don’t care…they love us all). Even if there are a couple catty women, they are too busy obsessing over their bodies and how great they’ll look on Facebook later (gag).
I still don’t know if my supporting argument is the way to talk myself out of the Bikini-Madness, but it does help. I remember these notes, as well as, thank God for making me 5’3″ and a teacher (instead of a model) and blessing me with a HEALTHY, ABLE body. I am not giving up my 10% splurge or becoming a bikini competitor JUST because I am a little iffy about a 2-piece. That’s my priorities, and it works for me 99% of the time. I also snapped out of my blogger-coach guilt of sharing my 90/10 approach. Feeling like this just shows I can definitely relate! :)
Have you ever had a UGH moment in a dressing room? What are your tips for overcoming it?